


Applied Human Philosophy

by misura



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Everyone Thinks They're Together, M/M, Oblivious, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 14:56:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1822546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Newton adopts a very small Kaiju and reality fails to ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Applied Human Philosophy

"I think we've both read this book," Hermann said, looking around the beach with disapproval. "It doesn't end well."

"The movie was better," Newton said, pushing aside some rocks. "And it had a happy ending."

"Hollywood meddling. What _are_ you searching for, anyway?"

Newton looked around for a stick. A long one. Ten foot or more would be nice. "You know."

"Very well. _Why_ are you searching for it? The Breach is closed - time to get back to your _real_ work." Hermann considered, trying to think of something appealing about the true scientist's life, with none of all this running around, poking at (hopefully) dead, (definitely) smelly things.

"We weren't rock stars in our real work," Newton said.

"For which I, for one, will be quite grateful." Hermann sighed. "Over there, I think."

"Where - oh. Oh." Newton took two stumbling steps before he nearly fell flat on his face.

Hermann sighed. "We should kill it. Or at least alert the proper authorities."

"No, no, no." Newton shook his head. "We got this."

Hermann swallowed his complaint that there was no 'we' going on here. It wouldn't be true, and he _was_ a scientist, after all. Not a rock star.

"We got this," Newton repeated, approaching slowly. Warily, Hermann was almost tempted to think. Cautiously.

Hermann wanted to look away, or yell - that might actually be productive, now that he thought about it; newly born organisms were often quite sensitive to sound, and, really, he'd be -

"Mama?"

Too late now.

"Holy eternal dynamo," Hermann muttered, closing his eyes. "Aid us now."

 

Marshal Hansen stared. As well he should, Hermann thought. "Is that a - ?"

"Yes." Hermann sighed.

"Yes!" Newton beamed. "I'm going to name it Lala."

Hermann blinked. They had not, as far as he was capable of recalling, before coming here, reached agreement on a name. "Lala?"

"It's a cute name," Newton said, defensively. "I like it. I mean, does she look like a Marie to you? Does she?"

"It's a Kaiju," Hansen said. Flatly. Disbelievingly.

"A really tiny one," Newton said.

"Relatively," Hermann added, because accuracy and specificity were very commendable things.

"The Breach is open again?"

"Oh no," Newton said. "No, no, no. Not at all. Obviously."

"She more or less ... slipped through," Hermann explained. "In an egg. Probably meant to be an experiment, of sorts." He couldn't quite keep a note of approval out of his voice.

Experiments were right, proper things to do when you were looking to colonize. Not all this nonsense with growing monsters and just letting them run wild - and then simply growing them bigger and bigger when your previous one got killed. Hardly any science to that at all.

"However it got there, it's a Kaiju," Hansen said. "We should kill it."

"We thought - " Hermann started, slowly. Reasonably. One rational human being to another.

"You touch one hair on her head, you'd better be ready to shoot me, too."

Hansen blinked once. Hermann readied himself to shove Newton out of the way - it would probably be the end of their friendship but then, sacrifices had to be made, occasionally. For the greater good, dubious as it might be how Newton's continued survival would contribute to that particular cause.

"What hair?" Hansen asked.

 

"You plan on ... raising it?" Raleigh looked from Hermann to Newton and back again. "Together?"

"Sure," Newton said. "I mean, we're the experts, aren't we?"

"Inasfar as anyone's an expert on the subject of Kaiju," Hermann added.

"Yeah, but - " Raleigh licked his lips. " _Together_ together?"

"You suppose we'd be better off raising it _alone_ together?" Newton asked. "What does that even mean? Yes, together. Two of us, one of her. How hard can it be?"

"Just - " Raleigh shook his head. "Never mind. Good luck."

"Thank you," Hermann said. "We'll need it."

"Nonsense," Newton said. "We're going to be just fine."

 

"Mama," Marie-Lala chirped.

"Dada," Newton said, pointing at himself. "Dada."

"What _are_ you doing?" Hermann asked.

"Hush," Newton said, which was mildly offensive, and then he pointed at Hermann and said, "Mama," which was more than mildly offensive.

"I'm supposed to be the mother now?"

"Traditional family values," Newton said.

" _Human_ ones," Hermann said.

"We must raise her to know our ways," Newton declared. "We must become a family."

Hermann considered. "Whatever for?"

 

"She likes chocolate," Newton said.

Hansen nodded solemnly. He looked, Hermann thought, like a man deluged by paperwork.

"We always make her brush her teeth, after," he said.

"Responsible parents, huh?"

Newton beamed. "Exactly so."

Hansen grimaced. "Nice place you got here, too. Not a lot of nosy neighbors, I imagine."

"It's a three hour drive to the nearest supermarket," Newton said.

"We've got internet," Hermann said.

"Yes, but Amazon doesn't deliver here," Newton complained. "Or any of the pizza companies."

"I got a job opening," Hansen said. "Two, actually. Three, if I have to stretch the budget that far. Breach watching. You fellows interested?"

Hermann swallowed. He'd known it wouldn't be easy, of course, to simply slip back into the life academic. For better or for worse, and regardless of his own opinion on the matter, he was no longer who he had once been. He was, for lack of a better term, a rock star.

It was not, he had found, a job description that inclined universities to offer you a position on the staff.

"All things considered, I'd have to say that indeed, we are," he said.

"Excellent. I'll pull a few strings, see if I can get you guys some pizza," Hansen said.

 

"She's going to die an old maid," Newton said. "Filled with regrets."

"Should I point out that is much preferable to the alternative?"

Newton sighed. "How can you have been in my mind and not recognize a quote from _Inception_? It's a totally epic movie."

Hermann sighed. "Did you want me to invite you to be young men together once more? This is not a dream, Newton."

"Fine. Then what's wrong with being _old_ men together?" Newton asked.

"We are old," Hermann said, although he didn't think forty-three was that old, really. Hardly ancient. "And we are, by any given definition of the word, together."

"Marry me," Newton said.

"Don't be ridiculous," Hermann said. "I've been in your mind - such as it is. You don't value marriage; you're only after an excuse to have sexual relations with me."

"Uh," Newton said.

"You're an idiot," Hermann informed him. "Honestly, it's quite beyond me why I should find you attractive in any way at all."

"Ah," Newton said, before Hermann shut him up.

For a while, at least.


End file.
